As the month of May continues, graduation ceremonies across the United States have already happened or are commencing in the coming weeks.

It is time for the Class of 2017 to trade in their caps and gowns for business attire and join the working world.

Additionally, most graduates from 2017 will be joining their predecessors in the arduous process of paying off their student loan debt.

Here a few student debt statistics that will blow your mind. The national student loan debt is now at a staggering $1.41 trillion. Overall, 70% of college students are student loan borrowers. The student loan default rate currently sits at 10.7%, while the delinquency rate is at 5.41%. Finally, the average student loan borrower will leave campus with $27,857 in student loan debt.

All student loan borrowers will simply have to work hard to make money to pay off that debt. There are a number of plans they can undertake, such as the federal government’s Income-Driven Repayment Plans.

However, Student Loan Report wanted to find out what absolutely absurd plans student debt borrowers would participate in to have their student loan debt erased.

To find this out, Student Loan Report has commissioned an online survey of 500 student loan borrowers. Each participant was asked if they would be willing to complete 17 different tasks in exchange for having their student loan debt completely forgiven.

The tasks are ridiculous, and the results are hilarious, but this study also demonstrates the great lengths student debtors are willing to undertake to have their student debt paid off.

Here are the highlights from our survey (an infographic of these results can be found at the bottom of this page):

  • 19.40% of borrowers would have intimate relations with Kim Jong Un, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 17.20% of borrowers would give up sight for three years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 75.80% of borrowers would give up exercise or the gym for five years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 32.60% of borrowers would go on house arrest for the next three years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 19.60% of borrowers would push a button to let the silverback gorilla go extinct, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 40.40% of borrowers would become a foot shorter, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 19.20% of borrowers would constantly feel like there are crumbs in their sheets, rocks in their shoes, and popcorn kernels in their teeth for the next three years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 27.40% of borrowers would always be sweating for the next five years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 23.60% of borrowers would have nude pictures of themself leaked on the internet, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 30.60% of borrowers would not be able to use hot water for showers or baths for the next five years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 36.60% of borrowers would lose their sense of taste for the next two years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 7.20% of borrowers would contract a random, chronic condition, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 11.80% of borrowers would have a constant itch that simply could not be satisfied for five years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 32.60% of borrowers would become a cigarette addict, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 86.20% of borrowers would give up Game of Thrones permanently, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 65% of borrowers would pay for everything in change for the next three years, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
  • 15.20% of borrowers would do one year of North Korean hard labor, if it meant their student loans would be forgiven
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The purpose of this survey and report was to bring attention to the serious issue of student loan debt that currently faces the U.S. Student Loan Report sincerely apologizes if you were offended by any of the questions and responses above. Fighting a collective debt of $1.41 trillion, graduates in this country are facing a tremendous problem, and we hope this study demonstrates just how desperate some of them are to erase their student debt. Currently, the Department of Education does not offer any of these interesting initiatives to graduates looking to pay of their student loans. 

For reference, the respondents to this survey all currently have student debt. A screening question was used to filter out any potential participants that did not currently have student debt. Our survey was conducted online through Pollfish from May 15, 2017 to May 16, 2017. ​

See the accompanying infographic below:​

absurd student loan forgivness